Friday, February 4, 2011

On Becoming Depressed

I've struggled with depression since I was a teen. When I was sixteen, I did the responsible thing and went on birth control pills because it was something I could do to prevent having babies, and there was no way in he'll I was having babies before I was good and ready.

What my doctor failed to mention is that it can cause major mood swings and depression. Awesome! So in the seven months I was on the pill I broke up with the boy that I went on the pill for, started cutting myself and spent most of my time in bed or crying.

I went on antidepressants for about a year and managed to even out my hormones. When I miscarried three years later it all started again. If my hormones get unbalanced I get depressed. So you can imagine what pregnancy does to me.

Since giving birth six weeks ago I can feel myself slipping back down the rabbit hole. The really sick thing is, it's comfortable.

I know myself when I'm depressed. I know how others react when I'm depressed. I know how my husband will react if I do A or don't do B.

During my marriage I've been pregnant/breastfeeding for longer than I have not been. My hormones and moods have been off the scale and I've found myself depressed.

This time I've been trying my hardest to not follow the comfortable path. To do all the things they tell you to do. Eat well, exercise, get sunlight etc. I tried to get my doctor to give me a prescription for antidepressants but he's been very reluctant to do so.

I get that some of it gets passed along to the baby but it's a toss up to whether or not having a happy healthy mom outweighs the trace amounts he'd be getting.

So wish me luck. Tell me that its wrong to be comfortable being sad. Tell me to get off my butt and go for a walk instead of sit on the couch all day.

No comments:

Post a Comment


Post Baby Chaos | Creative Commons Attribution- Noncommercial License | Dandy Dandilion Designed by Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates